"Everybody in my family follows the medical profession. They're all lawyers."

The outlook for the New Jersey economy is so bad that the mob just laid off 3 judges.

The trouble with the legal profession is that 98% of its members give the rest a bad name.

How do you get a group of lawyers to smile for a picture?

Just say "Fees!"

Why are lawyers so good at racketball?

Because they stoop so low.

Why do lawyers get paid so much?

I'll tell you as soon as I finish billing you for the punch line.