Q: Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, a non-lazy man (who helps out around the house), and a lazy man are about to jump off a bridge into water. Who makes the biggest splash?
A: The lazy man. The other 3 don't exist.

Q: Why don't men do laundry?
A: Because the washer and dryer don't run on remote control!

Q: Why do men have a hole at the end of their penis?
A: So they can think open-mindedly.

Q: What's a man's idea of protected sex?
A: A padded headboard.

Q: What do you call a woman that works like a man?
A: A Lazy bitch.

Q: Why did God create men?
A: Because vibrators can't mow the lawn.

Q: Why is urine yellow and sperm white?
A: So men can tell if they are coming or going.

Q: How are men like parking spaces?
A: he good ones are always taken and all that is left are handicapped

Q: What do you call a man with an I.Q. of 50?
A: Gifted

Q: What's the difference between a man and a cow?
A: One brain cell that prevents them from shitting all over the place!

Q: How are men and beer bottles alike?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: Why do woman fake orgasms?
A: Because men fake foreplay!

Q: Did you hear about the baby born with both sexes?
A: It had a penis AND a brain!

Q: How many men does it take to make popcorn?
A: Four, one to hold the pot, and three to act macho and shake the stove.

Q: How many men does it take to change a roll of toilet paper?
A: No one knows, it's never happened

Q: How many men does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
A: Only 1 (Men are good at screwing things up!)

Q: What is the difference between government bonds and men?
A: Government bonds mature.

Q: What's the best way to force a man to do sit-ups?
A: Put the remote control between his toes

Q: What's a man's idea of helping with the housework?
A: Lifting his legs so you can vacuum.

Q: What's the difference between a man and E.T.?
A: E.T. phoned home.

Q: Why is psychoanalysis a lot quicker for men than for women?
A: When it's time to go back to his childhood, he's already there.

Q: What did God say after he created man?
A: "I can do better than this."

Q: How do men define a 50-50 relationship?
A: We cook; they eat. We clean; they dirty. We iron; they wrinkle.

Q: How do men exercise at the beach?
A: By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.

Q: What does a man consider to be a seven-course meal?
A; A hot dog and a six-pack.

Q; How are men like noodles?
A: They are always in hot water, they lack taste, and they need dough.

Q; Why is it good that there are female astronauts?
A: When the crew gets lost in space, at least the women will ask for directions.