- He calls you at two in the morning "just to talk."

- Instead of rubber surgical gloves he wears oven mitts.

- He keeps accidentally referring to himself as "the defendant."

- He thinks Eastern Medicine was developed in Long Island.

- He keeps accidentally referring to your legs as "drumsticks."

- His examination room is Room 201 at the No-Tell Motel.

- He introduces you to his anesthesiologist, "Doctor Jim Beam."

- Before surgery, he asks if you want this "to go."

- He tries to color your X-rays with crayons.