You pull over to let a fire truck go by, and it stops behind you.

You have to go to a repair center every thousand miles to get the duct tape replaced.

You accidentally drive into a junkyard, drive out, and get accused of stealing.

The Blue Book lists your car under "Health Risk."

The only thing holding your bumper on is the "Bush/Quayle '88" sticker.

You return to your car and find someone broke in and left a hundred dollars and a new stereo.

Evel Kneivel refuses a free lift.

The valet puts on a crash helmet and full-body armor before parking your car.

A trucker who had driven his fully loaded rig to the top of a steep hill was just starting down the equally steep other side when he noticed a man and a woman lying in the center road, making love.

He blew his air horn several times as he was bearing down on them. Realizing that they were not about to get out of his way he slammed on his brakes and stopped just inches from them.

Getting out of the cab, madder than hell, the trucker walked to the front of the cab and looked down at the two, still in the road, and yelled, "What the hell's the matter with you two? Didn't you hear me blowing the horn? You could've been killed!"

The man on the highway, obviously satisfied and not too concerned, looked up and said, "Look, I was coming, she was coming, and you were coming. You were the only one with brakes!!"

DURING the course of an interview of the students of an international business course, the professor asked one student: 'I read in the newspapers about Exit Policy. What is it all about?'

Student very confidently replied: 'Sir, it is not Exit Policy. You got it wrong. Perhaps it is printer's devil. It is Exim Policy'

The professor repeated the question to another student.

The student promptly replied: 'Sir, it is related to leaving the examination hall by a student in the overall educational policy.'

The professor repeated the question to another student.

The student exhibited a cleverer disposition. 'Sir, as for common sense, there cannot be an exit policy without there being an entrance policy. It is, therefore, necessary to have clearer entrance and exit policies in the country in all walks of life.'

The professor thereafter stopped asking that question.

An engineer, a mathematician, and a physicist were standing around the college flagpole when an English professor happened by. 'What are you doing?' he asked.

'We need to know the height of the flagpole,' explained the engineer, 'and we're discussing the various formulas we might use to calculate it.'

Stunned, the English professor proceeded to pull the pole from its fitting, laid it on the ground, borrowed a tape measure, and announced, 'Twenty-four feet exactly.' He put the pole back where it had been and walked away.

'English professors!' sneered the mathematician. 'We ask him for the height and he gives us the length.

Freshman: Is never in bed past noon.
Senior: Is never out of bed before noon.

Freshman: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he can cut.
Senior: Reads the syllabus to find out what classes he needs to attend.

Freshman: Brings a can of soda into a lecture hall.
Senior: Brings a jumbo hoagie and six-pack of Mountain Dew into a recitation class.

Freshman: Calls the professor "Teacher."
Senior: Calls the professor "Bob."

Freshman: Would walk ten miles to get to class.
Senior: Drives to class if it's more than three blocks away.

Freshman: Memorizes the course material to get a good grade.
Senior: Memorizes the professor's habits to get a good grade.

Freshman: Knows a book-full of useless trivia about the university.
Senior: Knows where the next class is. Usually.

Freshman: Shows up at a morning exam clean, perky, and fed.
Senior: Shows up at a morning exam in sweats with a cap on and a box of pop tarts in hand.

Freshman: Has to ask where the computer labs are.
Senior: Has own personal workstation.

Freshman: Lines up for an hour to buy his textbooks in the first week.
Senior: Starts to think about buying textbooks in October... maybe.

Freshman: Looks forward to first classes of the year.
Senior: Looks forward to first beer garden of the year.

Freshman: Is proud of his A+ on Calculus I midterm
Senior: Is proud of not quite failing his Complex Analysis midterm

Freshman: Calls his girlfriend back home every other night
Senior: Calls Domino's every other night

Freshman: Is appalled at the class size and callousness of professors
Senior: Is appalled that the campus 'Subway' burned down over the summer

Freshman: Conscientiously completes all homework, including optional questions
Senior: Homework? I knew I forgot to do something last night

Freshman: Goes on grocery-shopping trip with Mom before moving onto campus
Senior: Has a beer with Mom before moving into group house

Freshman: Is excited about the world of possibilities that awaits him, the unlimited vista of educational opportunities, the chance to expand one's horizons and really make a contribution to society
Senior: Is excited about new dryers in laundry room

Freshman: Takes meticulous four-color notes in class
Senior: Occasionally stays awake for all of class

"Johnny, where's your homework?" Miss Martin said sternly to the little boy while holding out her hand.

"My dog ate it," was his solemn response.

"Johnny, I've been a teacher for eighteen years. Do you really expect me to believe that?"

"It's true, Miss Martin, I swear," insisted Johnny. "I had to force him, but he ate it!"